


Don't Get Hissy With Me

by SomeUnicorns



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bickering, Cat Owner Daishou Suguru, Catty Dialouge, College, Getting Together, Gift Exchange, Gift Fic, M/M, MikaShou Friendship, Past MikaShou, Pet Shop Employee Kuroo Tetsurou, PetOwnerAU!, Snake Owner Daishou Suguru, Teasing, kuroshou, new pet, some swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26825458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeUnicorns/pseuds/SomeUnicorns
Summary: >:3 ;3 :3Alternative Summary:While perusing the cat section, Daishou runs into a familiar face he hasn't seen in a while. For the sake of his new cat, he takes the advice of the pet store employee. Catty dialogue ensues.
Relationships: Daishou Suguru/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97
Collections: Haikyuu Rarepair Exchange 2020





	Don't Get Hissy With Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [realityislemons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/realityislemons/gifts).



> Hello Alyss!  
> Hope you like! :3 I always enjoy writing for Kuroo, and Daishou was also a lot of fun! Happy October! ~~~wooOOooo~~~

As Daishou stood in the middle of the cat aisle, taking stock of the varied wet food selection, he wondered if he was over his head with his new pet. He had almost said no, but Mika had begged him to take it, and he had never been able to say no to her.

Daishou must have been standing there, staring for a while, because a customer service voice chirped up behind him.

“Hello there! Can I help you with anything? Have any cat-related questions?”

Daishou felt a chillness down his spine as he recognized a voice he hadn’t heard in a while. Could it be? He slowly turned. 

Tall. Too tall. His hair was also too tall, and his face was as punchable as he remembered.

Daishou froze. “Kuroo?”

Kuroo. It was him, in an awful blue company apron. Much to Daishou’s annoyance, he was even taller than he remembered. 

Kuroo also froze in recognition, voice losing its customer service pitch.

“Eh, you? What are you doing here?”

Daishou hadn’t seen this guy since high school. After the feeling of sudden familiarity passed, a building annoyance rose. Daishou scowled.

“What am I doing here? What does it look like?! Who let YOU in here?”

“Uh, I WORK here, duh.”

“WHO LET YOU WORK HERE?!”

Other customers in the store turned their heads to his direction. Daishou realized his voice had gotten too loud for his surroundings, so he dropped his voice to a whispery hiss.

_ “Who let you work here?” _

“My manager, duh. Gotta get that extra cash on the weekend. Student loans, bruh.” Kuroo looked at the items in Daishou’s basket. 

“You gotta cat? You didn’t strike me as a cat fancier.”

_ “You don’t know my life!” _ Daishou hissed

“So you have a new cat, then?” Kuroo repeated, unimpressed.

Daishou sighed. “Yeah. Mika found a cat and she can’t have pets at her apartment. She begged me to take it.”

“Ah, still with Mika? How long are you two going to be an on-and-off couple?”

“We’re not dating. We haven’t for a while. We’re just good friends still. We keep in touch and stuff.”

Kuroo shrugged. “That's nice. So what kind of cat you got?”

“A black one.”

“I mean how old is it?”

“The vet said it’s about 5 years old.”

“What’s its name?”

“Kur—” Daishou froze mid-word. “— _ tan _ . Curtain.”

Kuroo gave him a skeptical look. “You named your cat Curtain?”

“Yes.” Daishou insisted. “Since you’re standing here, you might as well be useful to me. What’s the best wet food brand? He prefers it to kibble.”

“What’s your price range? You talking good cheap brands, or good expensive brands?”

“The pricier stuff is fine.”

Kuroo crossed his arms. “Oh, fancy, fancy. You must still be finishing up with classes, right? Where are you getting that extra cat food money?”

“Mind your fiscal business. I freelance between classes. I’m budgeting accordingly, thank you. I won’t have said yes to the cat if I couldn’t afford it.”

“In that case, this is the best pricey stuff.” Kuroo reached above a shelf Daishou with his long arms and grabbed a few cans, dropping them into Daishou’s basket.

“Personal space please. Don’t make me contact your HR.”

Kuroo smirked. “Oh, is someone insecure down there?"

Daishou whipped out his phone. 

“Don’t make me leave you a one-star review!” he said, finger hovering threateningly over the screen. "I’ll do it, you know!”

“Sir, if you are going to raise your voice at me, I’m going to ask you to leave the store."

_ I’m definitely leaving a long review later.  _ Daishou looked at his notes app. “Ugh — I also need...cat toys. Get me something sturdy, not something cheap and chinsy.”

“Very well sir,” said Kuroo, dropping back into a formal customer service tone. Daishou could still pick up a faint note of teasing-ness in his voice. Whatever. The faster he got his shopping done, the faster he could get out of here.

“And I need a brush!” Daishou ordered.

“I’d be happy to help you with that.” said Kuroo, tossing one in the basket.

“And...uh, catnip! Give me a good cut!” Daishou snapped his fingers, starting to enjoy bossing Kuroo around.

“Right away, sir.”

“Do you have pheromone diffusers?”

“Of course we do, allow me to recommend this one for you,” said Kuroo. Okay, now the forcibly polite customer service voice was starting to annoy him again.

Daishou had reached the end of his list.

“Can I assist you with anything else?” Kuroo asked cheerfully.

“.... _ No, _ I don’t think so.” Daishou glowered.

“So do you have the essentials like a bed, scratching post, and litter box?”

“Yeah, Mika brought a few things for me when she gave me the cat.”

“You mean Curtain?”

“Yes, my beautiful new cat Curtain.”

Kuroo dropped his fake retail voice. “...Sooo, do you live around here? I haven’t spotted you around here before.”

“Don’t harass customers for their private information. I’ll call your manager.”

Kuroo chuckled, knowing Daishou was bluffing.

Daishou gave in. “... I’m not that close by. I went out of my way to come here. This was the best-rated pet store in the area.”

Kuroo grinned, slicking back his hair. “Yeah. We’re known for our exemplary customer service. Isn’t it an honor to be in my presence?”

Daishou glared up at him. “I’m ready to check out.” 

He pushed around Kuroo to escape to the register. As he turned the corner, an end display of pet care magazines caught his eye. 

_ Cat Hacks! 101 Tips for the New Owner! How to Arrange Your Small Apartment For You and Your Feline’s Comfort! _

Daishou picked up the magazine to skip to that article.

“Wow, you’re really putting a lot of thought into your new buddy. Are you worried about the little guy?” Kuroo hovered behind him. 

Daishou waved the magazine at Kuroo as if he was shooing a cat off a kitchen counter.

“Stop reading over my shoulder.”

“Well, I had pet cats growing up. I could give you some advice if you have any questions.”

Daishou flared internally with the rage of 10,000 suns at the mere notion of being told how to do something by... _ HIM. _ But, as he felt the pages of the magazine wrinkle in his tightening grip (great, now he probably had to buy it), he loosened up and reminded himself he had to hold himself to a higher standard as a cat owner. He had to set a moral example for Curtain. 

Daishou slowly exhaled, releasing the tension out of his body. “I’ve had him for a few days now, and he’s still running away and hiding when I come into the same room as him. He’ll sometimes come to the edge of the doorway from another room and peek out at me when I’m working or cleaning or something, but otherwise, he’s still skittish.”

Kuroo waved his hand dismissively. “Eh, that’s pretty normal for a new cat. Just let him get used to you and his surroundings, and he’ll start coming up to you. Cats are social creatures. Give it some time, it’ll be fine.”

“Don’t worry about it? That’s your best advice? Whatever they’re paying you, it’s too much.”

“Hey, that’s some perfectly fine advice, you know. Don’t stress yourself or your cat out. Oh. Is it a feral cat? That’s a little more complicated. Like, did Mika-chan get it from some sad sketchy alleyway? That might make it a little harder.

“She found it meowing and shivering under a car. It wasn’t microchipped, but we think it had owners before because it seems used to humans. Mika was able to hold it without a fuss.”

“Can you hold it?”

“Well, yes, but he doesn’t seem to like it, so I leave him alone.”

“Guess you’re not as cute as Mika then,” Kuroo teased.

Daishou stamped his foot. “I will REPORT you for HARASSMENT.”

“Okay, sorry, sorry, just trying to make a joke.”

Kuroo went quiet for a moment, looking down at him like he was considering something.

“Can I meet Curtain?” Kuroo asked. “I bet he’ll like me. I’m cute.” 

Daishou stared back at him. “Like, come over to where I live?”

“Yeah.”

Daishou blinked. “Uh, why? And also,  _ no _ .”

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, fine. Geez, now I remember why we didn’t get along in high school.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?! Also, you suck.”

Kuroo made an obvious disappointed expression. “Oh, you know. I was thinking we could, I don’t know, go see that cat you’re so concerned about, and we could talk and catch up and stuff. We haven’t seen each other for a while, after all. But, whatever, guess that’s too much of an ask. Whatever. Go on with your life. Enjoy your new cat. Congratulations.”

Daishou scoffed. “Fine! Come see my cat if you’re going to get all mopey! When are you free?”

Kuroo examined his nails, blowing on them. “I’m off in an hour,” he said coolly. 

“A whole hour? What am I, Father Time? I’m supposed to wait that long for you?” 

“There’s a cafe across the street. You can read your little magazine while I finish up.”

Daishou threw the magazine into his basket with a  _ thwomp _ . “Alright, whatever. But if I start getting bored, I  _ will _ leave without you.”

Kuroo’s grin reappeared. “Okay.” 

****

After a boring hour of waiting for some asshole at a cafe, then waiting around for another whole THIRTY MINUTES, because said ASSHOLE said he  _ “had to find the perfect housewarming gift,” _ and then receiving a coffee mug with a 20% off sticker that read  _ #1 Cat Dad! _ , Daishou and guest eventually arrived at his apartment. 

“I wasn’t expecting a guest today, otherwise I would have tidied up a little,” explained Daishou, before Kuroo could shame his living quarters.

Kuroo poked his head in. “What are you talking about? It’s spotless in here. You some kind of pervert?”

“I don’t have to let you inside my home you know!”

A thump sounded across the room and there was a jingling of metal tags. Daishou flipped the lights on and caught the sight of a tail disappearing around the corner. 

“Oh great, now we scared him. He’s just gonna hide for the rest of the night. Well, no chance of seeing that cat again. Feel free to show yourself out.”

Kuroo waved it off. “Oh, he’ll come out once he senses my charming and magnetic presence.”

“You are still...just so FULL of it! Glad to see you haven’t matured at all throughout the years.”

Kuroo postured himself regally, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. “I have aged gracefully and sexily, with the utmost humility. Your lack of maturity blinds you to mine.”

Daishou sighed as he kicked off his shoes. “Ugh, it feels like nothing has changed between us.”

Kuroo glanced around the small apartment. “Not bad digs. I wouldn’t be able to guess you had a cat if you hadn’t told me. Why is it so clean? Seriously, what's wrong with you.”

“Cleaning relaxes me!” Daishou hissed. 

“Somebody must be really stressed these days, then.”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I let you in my house,” Daishou muttered as he made his way to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

“Huh. You really don’t strike me as a pet owner with _ your _ personality, Mr. Clean,” Kuroo observed.

“What do you mean ‘my personality?’ I have pets. I’ve owned snakes for a while.”

“What? You have snakes? How many? What kind?” Kuroo perked up.

“Oh just come on, I’ll show you.”

Daishou stomped over to his bedroom, flicking on the lights. He made his way over to the snake rack, tucked away in the corner of the room next to his dresser, grabbing the snake hook. He opened up the bottom rack to reveal a thick-bodied, brown, white, black, and yellow mottled snake, similar in pattern to a rattlesnake. It hissed as it was picked up by the hook and then grabbed by Daishou’s free hand, but settled down when it was completely secured, tucking itself around Daishou’s forearm.

“This is Dottie. She’s a Bullsnake, about a year old. She's gonna need an enclosure upgrade pretty soon.”

“Dottie?” 

“Yeah. Mika likes to name my pets when she hears I’m getting a new one. The names are not a big deal to me. It’s not like the snake knows what it’s called.”

Daishou positioned Dottie’s head over the open drawer. She naturally stretched her head out to go back in, heading for her hide, which was a red fruit bowl with a little door cut out. It hissed as it disappeared.

“Aww, she’s just like you,” said Kuroo.

That tease wasn’t good enough for Daishou to reply. “Yeah, Bullsnakes have big personalities. I still like them as a pet species. They’re good eaters.”

“Hey.” Kuroo jerked his head to the doorway. A little cat head was peeking around the corner. It shrunk back a little once it realized it had been noticed, but didn’t run away.

“I see him. He gets interested when I open drawers or cabinets and comes to look.”

Kuroo turned as if to go and grab the cat, but stopped when Curtain backed away.

“Hey, keep showing off your snakes. Maybe Curtain will be curious enough to come in on his own. 

“Ok.” Daishou pulled the middle drawer out slowly as Curtain poked his head back around again.

He lifted up a half-log hide and picked up a small, tan, brown-spotted, chunky snake with an upturned snout. Like the snake before it, it hissed a little before it was picked up, but settled down when it was supported in Daishou’s grip. 

“And this one is Miss Hissy. Also named by Mika. She’s a western hognose. They’re kind of a finicky species, but she’s been eating regularly.”

Kuroo reached out to stroke its keeled scales with his pointed finger. “Cute. I don’t remember you mentioning you had pet snakes back in the day.”

“I didn’t always have them. I got my first snake in high school. You know, because I was on the snake team, and a relative gave me my first Ball Python as a gift. I started getting more into snakes afterwards because I liked that snake a lot. I wasn’t a pet person before that, but I really got into snakes. They’re a very easy, low-maintenance animal as far as pets go.”

Daishou put the snake back in its spot and covered it with its hide again, slowly closing the drawer. Curtain had made his way into the room, pressed against the wall in the doorway, peeking up at the sound of the drawer closing.

He opened the last drawer, picking up a plastic hide to reveal a thick-bodied snake curled into a ball, spade-shaped head flinching as the hide was removed.

“And my last one is Mouser. He’s a Ball Python. Not a fancy morph, but I don't really care too much about the expensive patterns. I’m not going to pick him up, because he ate yesterday.” He put the hide back on and shut the drawer. Curtain inched a little closer.

Kuroo crouched on the floor, offering his hand out the cat. Curtain moved a little forward as if to sniff the offered hand, but kept his distance. In an instance, with his long reach, Kuroo grabbed it under its chest and scooped it up into his arms.

“Ha! Got ‘im.” 

Curtain’s eyes grew larger, and he wiggled around a little in Kuroo’s evil clutches, before eventually accepting its fate and going limp.

“Told you I’m good with cats.”

Daishou’s lips pursed. The cat didn’t look happy, per se, to be in Kuroo’s arms, but wasn’t struggling anymore.

“Traitor,” he told his cat. Not that he really cared. 

“You want to hold him?” Kuroo asked, sort of offering Curtain over.

“Nah. I’m not going to push my luck. I don’t want him mad at me. He can be mad at you.”

Kuroo started bouncing the cat up and down in his arms like a baby, its collar jingling, legs flailing a little. 

“Wow, he's pretty big for a house cat. What a leggy boy.” Kuroo bounced him a little more. “Maybe I should get a pet. Not a cat or a dog yet, though. I do like all your snakes. I’m going to think about getting one of those.”

Kuroo clasped a hand around the cat’s collar to stop the metal tags from jingling. He flipped over the metal nametag on its collar.

“Hey. I thought you said its name was Curtain. That’s not what it says on its collar.”

Daishou tensed up, realizing he was found out. “That’s not...Uh...It’s a typo!!!” he said, heat rising to his face, hoping he wasn’t becoming red.

“Curtain. C-U-R-T-A-I-N. Kuroo. K-U-R-O-O. Some typo.”

“It’s, uh, uh…” Daishou tried to form a sentence, but could only get non-word sounds out.

Kuroo grinned, face smug. “Did you name your cat after me?”

“Uh..well...Mind your business!”

Kuroo dropped the cat on Daishou’s bed. It promptly dashed away and out the door.

Kuroo brushed at the cat hair on his shirt. “Didn’t know you were still thinking about me these days. I’m flattered.”

“Shut up! I’m not calling it that anymore! I'll go and legally change his name tomorrow.”

“Hey I don’t care. The more Kuroos the better. Get another snake, name it that, and we’ll have a whole Kuroo party.”

“No, I'm sticking with Curtain. One Kuroo is enough, now that you’re around again.”

Kuroo chuckled and by God, did Daishou ever want to punch him in the face. “I didn’t think you liked me enough to name your cat after me.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve known you for YEARS.”

“So you like me, then?”

“I said DROP IT.”

“Man, you are an enigma. But you totally like me, right?”

“Ugh. I’m not continuing this conversation.” Daishou brushed past Kuroo for the kitchen. The tea was probably boiling and he didn’t want to look at Kuroo’s face anymore. 

“Aw come on, be honest with me. I want to know. We’re friends. We go way back. We can be emotionally honest with each other by this point.”

“God you're persistent. Can’t you change the subject?” Diashou asked, slamming the kitchen cabinets open and shut as he grabbed tea bags and mugs.

Kuroo leaned against the wall. 

“I always wondered if you liked me or not. I mean, I knew you hated me. But I didn’t know if you  _ liked _ me, too. But you were always dating someone or other, back in the day.”

Daishou stopped responding, so Kuroo continued. “So I could never tell. Thought there was maybe something there. And then I saw you today, and it seemed like you wanted to get away from me, but then you also waited an hour and a half for me. I’m still unsure. Have a hunch, though.”

Daishou sternly ignored him, pouring the water into each mug meticulously. After he was finished, he set the kettle back on the stovetop, then braced himself with both hands flat on the counter. He cleared his throat.

“Do. You. L-- _ me _ ?” he muttered. 

“Huh?”

“I said  _ DO YOU LIKE ME?! _ ” Daishou turned and yelled at him.

Kuroo raised his hands up in a nonchalant manner. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Isn’t WHAT obvious and also Fuck You?!!”

“Well, if I’ve gotta spell it out for you. I like people that yell at me. And I saw you today, and I thought it was real cute how you were worried about your cat and you were being real charming, showing me your snakes.” Kuroo answered.

Ugh, Daishou wanted to yell at him some more. “Of course I’m charming! And for the love of God, do you like me, yes or no?”

“Y-E-S.”

“For how long?” Daishou demanded.

Kuroo waved his finger. “Oo, getting real personal. Why? How long have you liked me? Has it been for a while?”

“I DON’T—” Daishou instinctively started to argue, but caught himself, and cleared his throat, going back to a reasonable voice level. “Fine. Alright then. I kind of like you, you fucking piece of work. Fuck you.”

Kuroo beamed. “Ha ha. Told you I’m the mature one. I said _‘I like you’_ first, and I wasn’t even embarrassed about it.”

“Shut up and take a sip!” said Daishou, pressing a cup into Kuroo’s hand. Kuroo obliged, and they stood for a few seconds in silence, sipping at the hot tea.

“So, what now? You wanna go out and stuff?” Kuroo asked casually. 

Daishou groaned, kind of wanting to yell at him some more, but he was a little burned out right now. 

  
“Yeah. You have the same hours off next week?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then let’s fucking do something next week.”

“Cool. Heads up, I am not a cheap date, just so you know.”

Daishou rolled his eyes.

Kuroo took another sip. “You know, I kind of want to get a pet snake now. Why don’t we go look for one then, since you’re the snake expert.”

“Sounds good,” Daishou relented.

There was the sound of a collar jingling as Curtain poked his head into the kitchen, then ducked back and ran away. Kuroo watched the cat disappear, then spoke.

“You know, I’ve already got a name picked out.”

  
  



End file.
